Safe Relationships

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Emotional Abuse:

Does one of the partners:


  • Get angry/upset and accuse the partner of flirting if they talk to other men/women?
  • Tell their partner that being jealous shows how much they love the other person?
  • Blame their partner for making them jealous?
  • Control how their partner looks (clothes, make-up, hairstyle)?

Psychological Abuse

Does one of the partners:

  • Comment on how the other partner looks all the time?
  • Tell the other partner what they have done “wrong” all the time?
    Constantly criticise the other?
    Ignore the other and not communicate with them for long periods at a time?
  • Ensure that the other knows they are not in charge in the relationship?

Threatening/Demanding Behaviour

Does one of the partners:

  • Get angry and aggressive with the other partner about little things?
  • Make the other feel scared or intimidated when they use alcohol or drugs?
  • Have a particular “look” to tell their partner to shut up?
  • Threaten to harm something that is special to the other partner?
  • Demand that meals are on the table at a certain time?
  • Make all the decisions within that relationship?
  • Say that it’s a man’s right to be in control in a relationship?
  • That a woman should always obey her partner and never contradict them?
  • Make the other partner account for every penny spent?
  • Make the other partner show receipts for money spent?

Let’s Make Up…..?

Does one of the partners:

  • Hurt the other, and then apologise and promise it will never happen again?
  • Give flowers or gifts after they have been mean to their partner?
  • Beg the other partner not to tell friends/family about the abusive behaviour?
  • Try to justify their temper and behaviour by blaming it on something else, eg. Having a “bad day”
  • Say it’s not their fault that they behave this way, it’s because they had bad things happen to them in their childhood?

How does it feel?

If you are in an unhappy relationship, do you:

  • Feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time?
  • Feel worried all the time in case you might have done something to annoy your partner?
  • Feel unhappy most of the time?
  • Feel like you are going mad because you don’t know what to expect next?
  • Feel afraid for your own life?
  • Feel afraid to say what you think?
  • Feel like you have no control over your own life and decisions?
  • Do your friends and family say you should get out of your relationship?

Does one of the partners:

  • Stop the other seeing friends?
  • Start an argument when the other wants to go out?
  • Open the other person’s mail?
  • Want to know exactly where the other one has been and with whom?
  • Make excuses to turn up when the other partner is on a night out with friends?


Answers

If you are one of the lucky ones who answered mostly “Never”, you’ll be happy to know you have are in a good relationship where you and your opinion are respected.

If most of your answers were “Never” or “Sometimes”, perhaps you should take this as a warning sign. Sometimes, Domestic Violence starts off in a subtle way and you don’t even realise it’s happening. You should set limits about what you will accept from your partner’s behaviour and stick to them.

If most of your answers were “Sometimes” and “Often”, it sounds like the relationship you are in is not a healthy, equal relationship. Your partner would appear to be using various forms of abuse to control you and you are likely to be in a violent relationship.

If you have answered “Often” to the majority of these questions, you or your family may be at risk of serious harm. You need to contact support services such as Women’s Aid or, if you are a man who is being abused, you should contact………….

welcome

For more information about safe relationships see the following links:

Contact Youth
Tel: 028 9045 7848
Counselling service for 8-25 year olds

Women’s Aid
Tel: 028 9033 1818
Web:
www.niwaf.org
Provides refuge for women and children experiencing domestic violence

Victim Support Northern Ireland is the charity that helps people affected by crime
Web: www.victimsupport.org


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