What is bullying?

There is a difference between bullying and falling out with a friend or getting into a scrap.

There is a difference between bullying and falling out with a friend or getting into a scrap. Misunderstandings do happen and a friend might say something to hurt your feelings without meaning to. Bullying occurs when someone deliberately targets someone weaker or different from them and repeatedly picks on them.

Types of bullying include:

• Physical – punching, kicking or pulling someone’s hair
  
• Verbal – calling someone names or making threats
  
• Racist – bullying someone because of their nationality or colour of their skin
  
• Sectarian – bullying someone because of their culture or religion
  
• General – bullying someone because of their appearance, speech difficulty, religious beliefs
  
• Homophobic – bullying someone for being gay or making hurtful comments about their sexuality
  
• Indirect – spreading rumours or gossiping about someone
  
• Excluding – consistently leaving someone out of games or social activities, encouraging others to ignore them or turning their friends against them
  
• Manipulation – making someone do something against their will through blackmailing or threats
  
• Stealing or damaging personal property
  

All forms of bullying are very upsetting for the victim. In fact, studies show that verbal bullying can be more harmful than physical bullying.

Remember, bullying doesn’t just happen in the playground or in the street. Some bullies can now use email and mobile phones to threaten their victims.

Bullying - A survivor’s guide!

Bullying can make you feel totally helpless. But there is a lot you can do to help yourself. Bullies tend to pick on people they think are vulnerable so doing nothing will only encourage them to continue. So try our UrZone tips to beat the bullies:

Why do some people bully? There are a lot of reasons why some people bully. They could see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough.

There are a lot of reasons why some people bully. They could see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough. Some bullies do it to get attention or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. Some bullies may be being bullied themselves and think that making other people feel bad will make them feel better.

Whatever their reasons for bullying, bullies tend to be insecure and unhappy with themselves. They try to make their victims think it is their fault for being bullied. But it is the bully who has the problem, not the victim.

• Stay away from bullies. Even if other people seem to think the bully is cool, never hang around in a bad situation. Put some distance between you and the bully and look for new friends who aren’t going to be mean or hurtful.
• Try to stand up for yourself. Physically fighting back is not always the answer; sometimes it can make things worse. But, telling the bully that you don’t like what they are doing could show them that you are not to be messed with. Don’t smile, stand up straight and look them in the eye. Showing that you are not afraid may make them back down and leave you alone.
• Keep your cool. Don’t let bullies see that their taunts are getting to you. Don’t rise to their bait. Even if you are really upset, try saying things like ‘OK’, ‘Whatever’, ‘So you say’. They may lose interest if they think their insults aren’t hurting you.
• Tell an adult you trust about what is happening to you. Talking about it will make you feel better. They may have had to deal with something similar and be able to help. If it doesn’t seem like they can help, don’t give up. Sometimes you need to talk to more than one person. Never give up hope, there is always an answer!
• If you are being bullied at school, ask a teacher to tell you about the school’s guidelines on bullying. Most schools have written advice on bullying and this can tell you what you and the school should do to stop it. Your school has a duty to make sure you don’t have to put up with being tormented. If they don’t do anything, get a parent or adult to speak to them.
• Keep a written record of what is happening. Writing it down is a good way of keeping track of what is going on. Use a diary or a journal and record everything that happens, as well as how it makes you feel. Not only can it be used to show people what has been happening to you, but writing about your feelings can make you feel a lot better.
• If the bullying is really serious, contact your local Police Station. Whether the bullying is happening in school, the youth club or in the street, the Police take any report of bullying very seriously. It will be viewed as a potential criminal offence, be recorded and fully investigated. The Police will also work in partnership with other people who could help you, and the bully, resolve the situation.
• Help out others who are being bullied. If you see anyone else being bulied at your school, please tell someone about it. But don't get into trouble with the bullies. Do it discreetly by telling a teacher when you get an opportunity and won't be overhead. People who are being bullied need friends so if you can help someone who is so unhappy please do so.

If you need to speak to someone else contact Child Line on 0800 1111 or the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000. They deal with these things all the time and will listen to you. They will help you to find solutions to your problems.

Internet and mobile phone bullying

Being bullied by email or text can be more upsetting that being bullied in the playground because it feels like there is no escape. But tormenting someone by email or text or through the internet is illegal and it can be stopped.

Often bullies who use new technology to bully their victims tend to keep their identity a secret but there are ways to find out who they are.

Just because this type of bullying exists doesn't mean you have to become scared of using your mobile phone or surfing the Web, just check out our Internet and mobile phone bullying sections for tips on how to deal with it.

Mobile phone bullying

If someone deliberately calls you or sends text messages (SMS) with the intention of threatening, scaring or upsetting you, it is mobile phone bullies.

What to do:

• Tell someone what is happening
• Be careful who you give your mobile number to. Make sure your friends know not to pass your number on to others and keep a list of people who already know it.
• Don't respond to abusive calls or texts. If you ignore them, the bully might get the message that you aren't going to rise to their bait and get bored.
• Save the messages and call records. It is best to try to do this on your mobile but if you don't have enough space, make a record of the time of the call or text, what was said and if possible the mobile number of the bully.
• Let your mobile network provider know. Tell them how often the bullying is happening. They are usually helpful and may be able to change your mobile number for free and/or block incoming calls and texts from the bully.
  

Internet bullying

Internet bullying includes abusive emails or posts on message boards or hate sites created to threaten or insult someone. The internet may seem like an anonymous place where people can hide their true identity but there are ways to find and stop internet bullies. Emails can be tracked to find out where they have been sent from and abusive websites can be shut down.

How to deal with internet bullying

• Don't feel trapped. You can always turn ff your computer or change your email address.
• Don't reply to abusive or threatening emails. Keep the emails and forward a copy to the sender's Internet Service Provider so they can ban them from using their email account. You can find the ender's Internet Service provider after the @ sign in their email address.
• Let your Internet Service provider know what is happening so that they can block the bully's email address. If you are being bullied through a website or a message board your Internet Service Provider should be able to find out who runs the site and tell them to remove the insulting material or close the site.
• Follow our general tips on how to deal with bullying.
  

What to do if your are the bully?
Bullying affects everyone involved, including the bully. It is easy to hurt someone's feelings accidentally but singling out and repeatedly picking on them physically or mentally is wrong.

Ask yourself:

• Do you ever punch, shove, or hit others for no good reason?
• Do you threaten others with violence or try to blackmail them?
• Do you make fun of or tease others with the intention of making them feel bad.
• Do you deliberately spread hurtful rumours about people?
  If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you could be a bully.

being a bully isn't cool and it isn't going to make you popular. Bullying often has serious consequences for the bully, for example:

• You may be charged with harassment or assault
• If you bully someone via the internet, mobile phone calls or text messages these can be traced back to you
• Bullies who don't change their behaviour are more likely to get involved in crime or drug taking
• being a bully can affect your school life. Your school work may suffer and if you are caught bullying you may be suspended or even expelled
• Bullying can mask serious problems like violence at home, low self-esteem or problems with aggression. Ignoring these issues will only make them worse and could cause problems in the future
  

Just because you have bullied doesn't mean you always will. The good news is that you can stop it now.

• Remember you can ask for help. Try talking to someone about your behaviour and why you feel the need to hurt others.
• Think about your actions. Sometimes we all act without thinking but putting yourself in the other people's shoes can let you see how your actions are affecting others.
• Work out why you bully. Is your bullying a result of being bullied yourself? If so, you need to deal with that situation and not take your frustrations out on others. If you bully because it makes you feel powerful and in control, try to think of other activities that would give you the same feeling. Taking up a new hobby or sport could give you the self-confidence you need to stop being a bully.